No matter how much the world changes, cats will never lay eggs. - Bambara Proverb
I talk to a lot of young people (and middle aged people and seniors, too) who are heartbroken over important people in their lives - people who have repeatedly hurt them through their lies, dishonesty, neglect, abuse, and other damaging actions.
Often, the people I hear from seem to find it impossible to move forward in their own lives - to stop obsessing over fixing the person in question long enough to go out and develop a happy, functional, successful life of their own.
When I hear about these sorts of struggles, I often find myself thinking about the above proverb. It speaks volumes, really.
Think about it: No matter how much the world changes, cats will never lay eggs. There's no arguing that, is there?
Some people, despite promises they make, are probably not going to change. And when we invest large amounts of our own energy and attention trying desperately to change them, we are taking away much-needed energy and attention and focus from ourselves and our own lives.
So there comes a time when, if you want to move forward, you have to accept the person as they are - and decide whether you can continue to have them as an important part of your life. Maybe the person who is hurting you is a close friend. Or a boyfriend or girlfriend. Or even a parent or grandparent.
Those relationships are difficult to let go of or to change. But at some point, you have to accept them as they are and ask, "Is there a place for this person in my life?"
Cats will never lay eggs.
So, what does that mean for you?
I talk to a lot of young people (and middle aged people and seniors, too) who are heartbroken over important people in their lives - people who have repeatedly hurt them through their lies, dishonesty, neglect, abuse, and other damaging actions.
Often, the people I hear from seem to find it impossible to move forward in their own lives - to stop obsessing over fixing the person in question long enough to go out and develop a happy, functional, successful life of their own.
When I hear about these sorts of struggles, I often find myself thinking about the above proverb. It speaks volumes, really.
Think about it: No matter how much the world changes, cats will never lay eggs. There's no arguing that, is there?
Some people, despite promises they make, are probably not going to change. And when we invest large amounts of our own energy and attention trying desperately to change them, we are taking away much-needed energy and attention and focus from ourselves and our own lives.
So there comes a time when, if you want to move forward, you have to accept the person as they are - and decide whether you can continue to have them as an important part of your life. Maybe the person who is hurting you is a close friend. Or a boyfriend or girlfriend. Or even a parent or grandparent.
Those relationships are difficult to let go of or to change. But at some point, you have to accept them as they are and ask, "Is there a place for this person in my life?"
Cats will never lay eggs.
So, what does that mean for you?
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