Who Do You Think You Are?

“Just who do you think you are, anyway?”

This is a question most of us encounter from time to time.

In some cases, the question may be asked jokingly, but at other times, it may be asked of you by someone who is truly questioning your right to behave as you do, to think as you do, or to succeed as you do.

We don’t talk about this a lot openly, but the truth is that when people try to move out of their current station in life – often, the station that was held by their family, and the family for generations and generations before them – people around us may push back.

This push back is seen often when people go away to college, get a job promotion, or venture out and start their first business.

Who pushes back in such a way? In some cases, it is people who are very close to us – our family and friends. At other times, it may be people who already have a vested interest in the current power structure. They are already successful, and feel threatened by your success.

Many of the people who push back are pushing for reasons they don’t fully understand themselves.

They may be frustrated by their own lack of success, and in the back of their minds, they may fear that your success is somehow an indictment on them and all the areas where they have not been as successful.

These people may love you deeply, but fear that as you become more self-possessed and more successful, you will not hold the same respect for them. They may fear, more than anything, losing you.

At other times, they may be fearful that you are going to fail, and that the devastation will be difficult for you to handle.

How do you handle such well intentioned but negative people, particularly when they are family members or close friends?

• Reassure the person that you have thought through the decision and that understand  both the risks and potential benefits.
• Remind them of the importance of their relationship to you. Reassure them that they will continue to be an important part of your life and that your respect for them is in no way diminished by your own advancement.
• In some cases, the person may need encouragement to make changes in their own lives. Maybe they are insecure because you are doing something they also would like to do, such as return to school or make a career change. If this is the case, consider offering to help them along the way. Make it clear you are not just interested in your own success, but the success of others, particularly those closest to you.
• Finally, remind yourself not to take yourself too seriously. Be confident, but be sure to keep arrogance out of the equation. When you do fall short, have a sense of humor about your own shortcomings.

Who do you think you are?

A person who is moving forward in life. Striving for success. And doing what you can to bring others along with you.